The Cupcake Monster

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Monster parent: @SconesForDinner

Maxine Bleem whistled “Dixie” to herself as she bustled about her kitchen, delighted with the work she’d done so far today. The Bleem empire had been built upon butter and desserts and still more butter, and now she had come up with a new way to combine the two.

She’d be out-earning all of the other celebrity chefs when her new product line of dessert-flavored butters hit stores.

On the kitchen counter sat the greatest achievement yet in her long and buttery career: an entire pie made out of butter. She planned on dedicating a full episode of her cooking show to this unnaturally reddish-pink concoction, which she called Succulent Strawbutter Pie.

Maxine’s happy whistle became a gasp as a bright blue-green light flashed on the stainless steel surfaces of her top-of-the-line kitchen. She whirled around, and then sagged back against her oven, weak with terror.

A giant cupcake filled up half of the kitchen.

It had to be at least three hundred pounds worth of cake—three hundred pounds of malevolent cake. Two eyes as black as the grave glowered in the swirling pink frosting of its head. A baseball-sized cherry perched atop that frosting, almost brushing the ceiling, glowing with the angry red light of hell.

The cupcake’s sturdy lower body split in half to reveal jaws lined with over-sized rainbow sprinkles, sharp as razors. Maxine frantically felt behind her for some sort of weapon. She threw the first things her fingers touched: sticks of her new dessert butters, one Strawbutter flavored and one Bluebuttery.

The red and blue sticks of butter stuck to the cupcake’s head, which seemed to perplex and annoy the monster. It let out a thick growl, its heavy frosting eyebrows drawing together in a scowl.

Maxine turned to run. Behind her, the cupcake made a dreadful wet horking sound. A wave of thick white frosting flecked with rainbow sprinkles flowed around her legs, hardening almost instantly.

She stumbled and fell, just as the cupcake monster vomited up another surge of frosting. It washed over hips and thighs, gluing her to the floor. Maxine fought frantically to free herself from the sticky puddle, succeeding only in covering more of her body with the goo that stank of sugary bile.

The cupcake trundled slowly forward on feet shaped like smaller cupcakes. “OMNOMNOM!” it bellowed as it descended upon her. The cherry on its head blazed with fiery light.

When it had finished eating Maxine Bleem, the cupcake turned and peered around the kitchen in search of more food. It saw the pie sitting on the counter and waddled over to it, bending forward and swallowing the dessert in one bite. It paused for a moment, contemplating the thing it had put in its mouth, before regurgitating the pie with a roar of disgust.

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